rapture

fever went down already. so now im feeling less of a headache. i guess exercising does help to cure sicknesses. im somehow getting appetite swings. from 12pm onwards i was super hungry, but when it came to nightfall, all appetite was lost. how absurd. bo bian, had to force myself to eat, if not ppl will complain bout me not eating enough. esp my mom! anw, back to work. lotsa things to b done. lotsa stuff to be settled.

ok shit, i jus realized im UBER STUPID!
my stupidity simply knows no boundaries.
hopefully everything is covered up now.
*stressed*

the barrier

i guess theres no jogging tonight.
windy is gd, but not when coupled with rain.

most of the stuff more or less settled le.
unless they are procrastinated and left for another day.
ie, i havent touched my 'house' for a week already.
n now, new projects r coming in.
zzz.

feng came over today n thwarted all my plans.
Thanks arr, feng.
LOL.
yeah, but ok lah, i do need to relax once in a while.
killing multitudes of zombies kinda did e destressing trick .

yep somehow, i jus cant let my hair down everyday.
(not tat my hair is short -_-)
but jus tat, theres so many concerns n worries ard me.
i think im stiffening up.
my instincts tells me tat if left alone for mths,
i'll eventually live a reclusive life.
i'll definitely become hostile.
yeah, i think i jus outlived my happy-go-luckiness.
am trying hard to find it back

but my baggage weighs more than a ton.
my shield is up.
"En Garde" runs through my mind every once in a while.
it's heavy, but i cant put it down.
there's jus no time to rest.
gotta prod forward with each millisecond tat im entitled to.
i jus hope sometime soon a boulder will come crashing on me
(like how it jus squashed 2 of my AI teammates)
n THEN, perhaps i may reconsider taking a hiatus.

Degeneration.

1) Sleeping in e toilet
2) Sleeping while riding
3) Sleeping in lecture
4) Sleeping in tutorial
5) Getting lost in JB
6) Sleeping in tuition
7) Mind blankness
8) Sleeping while bathing
9) Applied facial foam on body
10) What's next?

Waking up from etherealism, resigning myself to my former fate.

darn darn tired,
someone drop me a lifeline pls.

Random quote of the day

As seen on a Filipino's T-shirt today:
"Ever body lovering her ..."

chocobos make me high!

nth ever beats Chocobo theme songs on a jog.
it jus makes u go on further n further n further!
somehow im missing jogging with ppl.
or at least, with ppl tat i can pace with.
i've been kinda 'enlightened' last wed aft i jogged with e ppl from Calvary Pandan.
esp Zhongyan who ran uber uber fast!
tat esp kept me going to try to run as fast as him.
me've been only training steadily my speed, den stamina, den my speed.
nvr really tried e extremes.
(ok lah, except for me 20km jog one night. yes i was crazy)
but this was my extreme speed-intensive run.
*pauses*
motivating.

ah well,
1st, bath.
den comes clearing my hello-kittified camera of photos n vids.
it's totally filled to e brim!
den comes song cutting again.
n lastly, INTERIOR DESIGNING!!!!
WHEE~
ok shucks it's 12 now!

y cant we save 'time' into a bank n use it whenever we like?
hmmm, gotta invent a time-machine 1st.
nvm, as a comp scientist,
i shall build it in e VR world!
=X

phew, such long days everyday r really gonna slaughter me twice over.
im always pretty much braindead by 9pm already.
by reason of strength, it be til 12am,
it's definitely a miracle!
or adrenaline/sugar rushes from obsessively speeding n drinking highly-sugarnated ice milos.
anw,
i've got houses to build,
papers to mark,
tutorials to do,
many projects upcoming,
assignments n more...
such revelation introduced in e 2nd week already.
i bet theres much more which i totally forgot about.
anw, dinner's all heated up n waiting for me to sup!
yum yarms!
^^

'i wanna kill myself' (repeat infinite times)

half a smile

at 1st, i was expecting this post to start with a 'sigh'
but den again,
i muz say,
miracles DO happen!

when i heard bout e meteor shower jus hrs ago,
i really really wanted to see one!
well, at least it was my chance to be childish jus for once n make a wish at it.

when i got to my personal escape spot at ard 120am,
i realized there was still quite abit of light pollution ard.
but tat didnt deter me!
n aft straining my neck for 10mins,
n still no sign,
i kinda purposed in my heart tat i would not b so blessed to see any tonight.

145am was my deadline.
i stood,
i squatted,
i strained my neck further.
still no traces of meteors...
zzz.

all i got were lots of poofy clouds and lightning flashes at e northern horizon.
n e clouds coming from e southwest were rolling in pretty fast!
within mins, they overtook at least 25% of e nightsky.
tat simply diminshed my viewing pleasure by half.

but no matter, i was taking photographs of e beautiful half moon with its surrounding black clouds.
"Moonriver" started playing in my mind.
a smile etched itself onto my face.

i waited n waited.
den i told myself,
if i could ever see a meteor tonight,
it could only b a miracle.

as time drew past,
i was impatient.
i gave up all hope.

THEN, at 143am,
a flash jus hurried across e sky towards e direction i was facing!
it lasted a sec.
an entire whole second.
I WAS THRILLED!
but well, somehow it wasnt magical.
perhaps coz im jus viewing it alone.
there's no one to share tat experience with.

but i was reminded of the interpretation of my chi name.
just like a glimmer of hope, it burned brightly,
cutting thru e nightsky.
broadening tat smile in my heart.

i was thankful,
yet greedy.
while trotting back home across e carpark,
my gaze was up towards e heavens as i walked backwards.
i hoped for another.
but TOO BAD!
there was none else.
but it's okie!
im sastified.
=X

n now back home, all i can do is hope i wun hav insomnia again for the 6th nite in a row.
somehow im beginning to 'love' 830 lessons more n more.

urgh i terribly want hw210 but there are no more slots.
all coz of e yr 3s n 4s who didnt add them in yr 2.
jus went to JB n back in about 1hr.
explored a new route from e customs towards Wong Ah Fook.
thankfully I was not lost.
phew.
traffic there wasnt as congested.
plus e customs had no queue!
mayb i shd jus go JB every wed aftnoon!
hahaha
breakfast... lunch... dinner... eveything go there bao ka liao.
aft my late morn nap back home,
now im heading back to sch!
but b4 tat i gtg JP to settle some bank stuff.
n at e same time hopefully can sign up for iBanking.
yes, i noe, im still in e old tech when it comes to banking stuff.
e old grey POSB card is still being used since P sch i believe.
n my bankbook's a dull green colour.
muz hav been e aftermath of e primary sch saver's club thingy.
anw, off to sch i go!
(yummy ice milo btw)

the moon still shines

YAYNESS!
finally bought ourselves a new vacuum cleaner!
now i really dun mind helping out with housework with this sexy sleek machine.
sporting solid bumblebee colours of yellow n black, it totally fits ShoeBox's litter box n scoop!
i think it can be counted under his property le!

tuition this morn was gd.
jus tat mayb coz it's e first time we've ever met,
tat kid, n even e mom (?!), seems kinda shy.
they seem like an awe-ful quiet bunch.

sch's starting today,
here comes my hellish nightmare of morn to night lectures n tutorials!
pray tat I'll hav energy to continue on thru e long days ahead.
i think i better buy a small pillow soon!
n find a small corner to sleep in!

happy academic yr 2009 - 2010 to fellow uni frens!

when i got off my rattan chair n made e usual squeaks one would expect,
ShoeBox instinctively stared at me with his squinty-eyed glare.
it kinda reminded me of someone without glasses.

anw, i was reminded of a dream i had a long long time ago.
i guess perhaps only 1 other person in e world knew bout this special dream.
i hope u're reading this n knowing tat it's exclusively between me n you.
time seems to flow slowly,
grey silhouettes of faces flash pass as i run...
the only dream where i consciously teared as i awoke.

how reminiscent.

well, i do noe some dreams turn into reality.
ive had more den a couple of them already.
its more den jus cases of deja vu.
it's like, remembering e future prophesied in e past.
how amazing.
but i jus wonder...

will this,
this old dream resurface n appear in my future?
who knows?

time for bed,
tml morn's my 1st ever tuition.
PRAY FOR ME!

Tips to mastering self-entertainment

1) Be curious about everything:
-Bite the plastic bag.
-Bite wires
-Bite strings
-Bite towels
-Bite ropes
-Bite soft toys
-Bite newspapers
-Bite human hands n feet
-Bite each moving object
-ahhhh, heck, jus bite everything u can sink ur teeth in.


2) Pester one's master slave:
-Wake him up at unearthly hrs in e night
-Whine nonstop about lack of food
-Dig sand everywhere
-Bite him ----> (point 1)
-Step over him when sleeping
-> Aim his face n throat
-Run up n down e living room n any empty space
-Climb to the highest restricted area you can find.
-> The more restricted, the better the result.
-Take his chair so that your slave does not have a place of rest
->Sleep on it if possible
-Hog his bag and bite it
-Claw your way up shorts to get to that juicy length of drawstring rope

3)Explore places you've never been before
-Behind the refridgerator
-Behind the washing machine n dryer
-Behind the TV
-Up on the dining table
-> Aim for e food if any
-Inside carton boxes
-Inside plastic bags
-Under the bed
-Behind the computer
-The world beyond 'The Door'

4) Chase your own tail

Today's Today

Checklist for 060809:
go to sch for lecture? Checked.
eat tat Chicken O'? Checked.
go gym? Checked.
eat roti john? Checked.
get swarmed over msn? Checked.
check mails? Checked.
head over to JB alone? Checked.
bought supper? Checked.
left key in bike while getting supper? Checked.
didnt realize it til i got back to bike? Checked.
bike stolen? Unchecked.
lost my way coz they cordoned off this stupid area under e highway? Checked.
went to a detour to n fro along e highway finding an exit to U-turn? Checked.
heck-cared bout e red lights? Checked.
did illegal turns here n there? Checked.
found new Shell tat requires u to pay b4 u top-up? Checked.
was wondering how much i'll noe to top-up? Checked.
found out tat 15RM didnt fill much? Checked.
scurried up n down along e highway again to find e usual exit? Checked.
made my way to e old Shell to top up 5RM more? Checked.
paid? Checked.
unexpectedly confirmed tat i had 1RM more? Checked.
realized there was enough space for ard 1RM more of petrol? Checked.
rode thru e race circuit-like bends n almost-U-turns over e causeway? Checked.
forgot to take off helmet at SG checkpt? Checked.
went into Goods Declaration Bay for cars? Checked.
detoured to e one for bikes? Checked.
finally made my way home? Checked.
type this disturbingly long post? Checked.
eat supper n bathe? Unchecked.

phew, wat an eventful day.

little changes in our game

wat a foggy day it is.
somehow it looks abit like genting to me.
anw, it's jus a few days left to enjoy e bliss of hols b4 all academic turmoil starts to tumble in n pervade our sentient minds.
but off to sch i go yet again.

I DUN CARE!
im sleeping with my wet hair no matter wat!

not a wink

n no, i didnt hav any sleep at all.
was something bothering me??
wat could b on my mind?
or was it coz of e late nights?
i jus hope it's e latter.

7

phew, long long long nights again.
like i said, i've been sleeping at 9am n 7am for e past 2 nights.
1 thing is tat i tried out Windows 7 Ultimate aft my bro bought it from JB.
nxt is tat i tried, for e umpteenth time to fix tat 'dead' tv tuner in my com.

oh well, i had e high hope of my touchscreen PC to function MUCH MUCH better with win 7 since it had better touch capabilities.
i was thinking of multi touch, like those on e iPhone/iTouch.
it was promisable!
it happened!

but not on my version of HP Touchsmart.
zzz.
only e newer versions get to enjoy such thrills.
stupid NextDriver, creating only drivers for mine which r incompatible with win 7.

anw, woke at ard 230pm on tues aft a loong gruelling "(dunno how many hrs) of waiting for 7 to install.
had to research e pros n cons of installing b4 actually getting down to it.
but aft 7 was done.
it looked marvellous!
remem Vista Ultimate allowed for Videos as desktop wallpapers?
this time 7 ultimate allows for a slideshow!
n has new operating sounds to boot!
chimes or funky tunes now available.

but i had to tweak n reinstall drivers etc.
esp tat audio splitter tat allowed for a 5.1 system. ^^

but all in all, i like this new OS.
faster den vista!
ok mayb jus a bit.
but well, arent things nice for a change?
only con is tat it hangs more often now.
seems like theres some discontinuity for my PC since certain inbuilt HP programs cant work with 7.
but well, things r getting better.

5.1 audio is jus so pleasant to e ears. =]


woke at 230pm with e thought of going swimming while e sun was hot.
(i havent done any swimming with e sun in e sky for mths!)
n gym too!
but aft delays from fried rice (YAAAARrrMM)
n petting kitty.
finally reach sch to return keys, draw keys, book rooms etc b4 heading to e overcrowded swimming pool where Student Union n Sports Club FOC were having their activities!
booked from 830 to 5pm!
zzzzzz
im NOT swimming in a pool tat has been overcrowded.
n i dun hav a hot bod like them, im shy! ><

so i headed for a gym from 4 toil 5 where i ran 2.4 on e treadmill at about 11mins i think.
a large amt of time was spent walking for warmup so i didnt noe how long i took oso.
did more stretching b4 its time to hit e metal!
n now my abdomen's so sour!
arms n legs too!
den i had this crazy idea aft gym.
i left my bags n bike back at e studio b4 walking to Macs at North Spine to buy dinner!
n it took me bout 45 mins to travel there, buy, and walk back.
now im appreciating my bike more!
yeah, so much time to spare, wat else to do.
so aft dinner i jus slept while waiting for ppl to come in.
n amazingly, long-time-no-seen ppl like Jeremy n Jane arrived!

n even Leyi, our long long ago senior.
haha.
ok lar, honestly even if no one arrived, i wouldnt sleep all e way.
i'll jus b bored tat there'll b no one else. tats all.
but yeap, i was struck in e back of my head when e msg tat my basics were deteriorating fell upon my ears.
i felt useless.
all those mths n i developed bad habits le.
for sure, irritation n frustration came fleeting by.
lost much confidence there too.
but yeah, most of e time, i feel REALLY stagnant.
or on a downhill.
i always come to think tat my partner is slowly becoming better n better but as for me, im not improving.
this gave me another strike on e back of my head.
i feel like a letdown.
i feel like im pulling her down when she could be much more den she could be.
discouragement persists...

but no, im gonna hav to prac harder, try harder n make sure i wun fall into e pits!
no matter how egoistic i may appear to be, i wanna b on par.
i dun wanna fall behind!
well, at least i dun wanna b a wet blanket.
but yeah, its jus so hard to overcome e physical barrier.
it takes lots n lots of drilling since i hav no talent in it.
(while for others, it seems all so natural for them. at times, im jealous.)
wat to do now when expectations r higher for us now tat we're at this junction n we cant meet up to them?
but perhaps have we been comparing with e wrong ppl?
nah i guess not.
since e ones we were comparing to were ourselves.
we still havent surpassed ourselves.


i wun deny it,
im weak.
im only a nobody who is dependable on my Lord to give me strength.
all blessings are from Him.
but sometimes i still cant shake off tat feeling tat my strength is not enough to overcome obtacles i face.
it feels, pitiful. (n definitely weak)
wat a clingy n bothering feel it is.

sometimes it's so disheartening to noe tat u've put in effort but e results dun show it.
im not usually a pessimist but sometimes my intuition tells me jus tat.
it shows me a downhill path frm henceforth.
more discouragement arises.


or perhaps im jus thinking too much now tat my brain is at rest from my studies.
yeah i think i am.
zzzzz.
it pays to be free sometimes.




anw, i had a great dinner aft Pop&Lock this aftnoon.
had to go down to Alexandra to collect my road tax n insurance from e bike shop there.
phew!
i made it in time!
it closed jus 25mins aft patronising them.
anw, met up with Wil, supposedly to go bike surveying, but since e shops closed, we still met up for dinner.
well, his supposed BS meeting was cancelled since everyone kinda disappeared n was uncontactable.
we ate Poached Salmon at Ikea!
it was fabulous!
totally loved e sauce topping tat enveloped e fish.
n wats more, free flow of drinks!
wheeee~!

yeah, aft tat i headed down to SnG at bugis aft stressing myself out on thinking of a way to reach there frm where i was.
yes, i forgot bout AYE(ECP).
i was sooooo worried tat i'll b late n reach aft e stipulated time of 9pm, but thank God tat e OIC, Freddy (we call him Uncle Freddy), was later den me!
*breathes*
had a long briefing (or rather, lots of sidetracking bout e purposes of doing wateva we're doing now. like "y do we study" etc. not forgetting e frequent flirting with e 3 young poly girls who equally taunted him [ok mayb only 1 of them did])
n we ended our talk at 1040pm.
hung ard abit more to check up on Mario and his sleekness
(yes serene, stop swooning over it, wipe ur drool)
b4 saying my goodbyes n making my way back home to prepare for tml's conference and IPPT.
n kitty has a new nick from my frens: FatalisCat
he scratches, he bites, he doesnt tailswipe but he's deadly. and FAST!

better treasure my sleep while i can.
no more tweaking of windows 7 tonight!
might want to do a fresh install if possible
but tat might mean i'll hav to backup EVERYTHING!
now, where can i find space to do tat?
hmmmm.
oh well, ship reach bridge head, naturally straight.
shall let e things of the morrow worry for itself.
'Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof. -Matt 6:34'
(n yes! my torrent is picking up speed aft being stagnant at 0 - 0.2kb/s for weeks!)
hip hip hooray!
(hip's better this week too ^^)

it's been so long since i last ran in e drizzle.
e refreshing drops of rain quicken me to pick up my pace, yet urging me to stay in this race.
e park route ard zhenghua is finally open!
aft 2 mths of construction n rebuilding.
it's e usual place where i can get my imagination running wild.
shadows all ard me,
e faint glimmer of e lamp rays,
coupled with e fallen huge leaves on e pathway lead me to interpret those shapes on the floor.
could it be a rat? a kitten? junk? litter? or jus another fallen leaf?

all ard the estates n past e 7-11s and Macs which led me craving for savoury foodstuf.
as my legs kept moving, my stomach was craving.
MUSHROOM SWISS DOUBLE!
n later a 2nd crave:
CARL'S JR.!

if i had all e money in e world, i'd eat Carl's til i'd b sick of it!

had a Vitasoy aft my run. I finally carried some cash with me for runs!
only a dollar for a drink.
but i was greedy.
i wanted a tube of popsicle too!
but too bad Vitasoy was worth exactly a dollar.
zzz.

but i was nvr in time for e local neighbourhood mamashop to b open during my previous runs.
this time i started out earlier at ard 10+ n ended run at 12am.
phew phew.

n e loooong workouts tat came aft left me begging for more Vitasoy.
i scrimped each n every drop of juice in my mouth.
taking sips n not gulping it down.
n i realized tat as i did my situps or any other workout,
i'd b under this tree with a huge wide canopy tat extended to e far ends of e exercise corner.
remem e talks about trees and nitefall n 'dun look up'?
haha, i think i did 100 situps in total.
bleah.
ahhh well, i did most of my exercises facing e tree trunk.
BAH.

n now tat im home,
i'll have to plan out tml's activities.
wake up, hopefully get a Big Mac Meal in sch b4 collecting e keys to e dance studio while returning e seminar room 1 key and book more slots for friday practices.
(hmmmm, shdnt fridays be held at Hall 13 when sch starts instead?)
n book e studio/sem room specially for ex-pres CY on thurs night.

den go for a swim!
or gym 1st?
ok mayb gym 1st, den i relak in e pool while swimming n tanning. =]
all e way til dinnertime.
i bet im gonna eat alone this time.
everyone seems to be away again.
but oh wells, who cares?
i can eat at my own pace.
a VERY VERY slow pace.
hhahaa.

k, it's 310 now. i better b off to bed.
kitty's been transferred to sis room.
FINALLY.
gotta let her noe how hard it is to stay asleep in e mid of e night while he runs n jumps n whines with every big movement tat u make.
seems like she hasnt stepped out of her room since she stayed inside.
usually she would go to e loo every half to 1 hr.
but i guess not this nite!

n yes, i still crave mushroom swiss.
CHEEEEEEEEEEESSEEE...